It’s natures way of stopping your ego.
- Do you feel unworthy?
- Don’t worry it’s natural, just another part of your personality
- Accept it and work with it
- Think like a boss
- What other people do is none of your business
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Hi, Christie here on 20th of July, Tuesday, 2021, episode 49. What is imposter syndrome, and how can you combat it? So that’s what I’ll come on to in a moment. Quick intro. First of all, I’ve been editing my next mystery thriller, and I’m almost through, and it’s great because I’m refamiliarizing myself with the characters in the story, and realizing what words I use regularly, which if you’re a writer, you’ll know that you’ve got your own style, and your own words will crop up way too many times. So I’m just going through and sorting all that out at the moment. We’re in the middle of a heat wave in the UK. So wherever you are in the world, I know the weather is going a bit bonkers. So I hope you stay safe and stay well in the end the pandemic, hopefully, fingers crossed.
And this week I’ve been really excited by one of my grandchildren got inspired by some projects we were doing together to go into business. They’re not even a teenager yet, and they saw an opportunity to turn a hobby into a business, and been teaching them all about how you do that, and how you reinvest back into your company with any money you make, that you can’t just go and spend it, that you have to reinvest. We had comments about situation, that you have to actually give money to the government. So that was quite fun trying to explain that, but it reminded me how little the education system in most countries, I think, isn’t geared for people not going into employment.
So in other words, it’s not geared towards people being entrepreneurs, being self-sufficient, knowing the finance system, knowing how things work. I’m sure the public schools like Eton and all the rest of the colleges at high-end are very much into that education, but to me it seems they always leave it too late. I wish they’d start with right from day one when they start school learning about Money and finance. It doesn’t have to be high tech, but just the fact that money pays the bills, that production costs money on the planet. Just various things that would give people a much more stable foundation to work later on, either for themselves, as employers.
We’re very much in the west anyway sort of brought up to believe that we’ll go on to work for one of the big organizations. You’ll become a doctor and work for a hospital. You’ll become an accountant and work for a company. You’ll become a lawyer and work for a law firm. It’s very much around employment rather than entrepreneurship, and financial management, and community and family management as well. So that’s my little moan about the life situation that we find ourselves in sometimes, but I’m really excited her seeing opportunities there. And I’m quite proud that I’ve been a role model for that as well, because quite often grandparents are seen as the old fuddy-duddy in the corner, and am I might knit and I might crochet, but I do have some ideas.
And then finally in my little intro, I’ve relaunched one of my Facebook groups, and it’s very much focused now on what was side focus before of working from home. So if you do work from home, seek her out. I’ll put the link in the show notes, and come and join us, and we’re going to be sharing resources, and it can get quite lonely if you work from home. So it’s just a bit of community for you. So I’ve really relaunched that. So back to the topic. What is impostor syndrome, and how can you combat it? I’m a firm believer that it’s nature’s way of stopping your ego, and stopping you getting too cocky, basically, and arrogant.
And what is imposter syndrome? What does it even mean? You might have heard the phrase, but not really understood it. And it’s really that just feeling like an imposter, that you feel unworthy. That you might have qualifications, you might’ve got experience, you might’ve got years and years of dedicated service to something, but you feel unworthy being classed as either an expert, or it might be that you feel unworthy of being paid for your knowledge or your skills. And it’s very, very common, extremely common. And I think it’s more common in women than men, but men can suffer from it as well.
And people such as Oprah and Michelle Obama, they’ve all admitted that they suffer from it. So it is nothing to be sort of ashamed of, or wonder why, or down to an education system. It is the fact that it’s just part of our psychology. It’s a feeling, and that’s important. I’ll come on to that, because what you need to do is don’t fight it, just accept that it’s part of your personality, just another part might be that you’re introverted, that you’re extroverted, might be that you love working at night, that you love working in the morning. Imposter syndrome is just another aspect of your personality. And like I say, treat it as a counterbalance to being arrogant or your ego, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s always good to hold your ego in check.
And separate fact from fiction, that’s the first thing to do to tackle it. Is there a reason why you’re feeling like an imposter? Is everyone else in the room more qualified than you? Is everybody more knowledgeable than you? I’m sure when you sit down to it, they’re probably not. So separate out fact from your feeling, and the fiction that you’re holding in your head. And like I said, don’t fight it, analyze it. Know that whatever happens, your voice is valid. Even if you are the least qualified person in the room on paper, your voice is still valid. A really good way of taking defined action to combat imposter syndrome is what I sort of coach people in, what’s in my mini course online, to refresh your skills register or your CV, to actually sit down and write down all your skills, all your qualifications, all your knowledge, whether they be soft skills, whether they’re written qualifications on certificates, whatever it may be.
And that will give you a little bit of a boost, and it’s sort of a touchstone to come back to that you are qualified. You are valid in what your voice is saying, and your skills, whether it’s skills that you’ve picked up in a job, as a single mom, as a parent, as a side hustle, at your kid’s football club, whatever it may be, your skills are there. And it might be that you need to ask your friends about this. Like I say, this is touched on in my core, so I don’t want to go into depth here, but ask a friend. What do they think is your your best skill or your strongest gift? And you might be quite surprised. Get that on the list.
If you genuinely feel that you’ve got a gap in your knowledge, and again, this is something in my coaching, then identify what sort of training you need. And there is probably some free training somewhere that you can at least start the journey to fill that gap. Jim Rohn, who is a mindset marketing public speaker, said famously that, “You’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.” So is that impacting how you feel? Are you feeling like an imposter with those five people, or are you feeling that you are a valid part of that group? Are you holding yourself back by not aiming high enough? Seek out online mentors and up your game. Don’t hold yourself back, because if your constantly being pulled down, or pulling yourself down, which is very easy to do, then you will feel the imposter syndrome a lot more.
So take a breath, do whatever it is anyway. And importantly, think like a boss. If you’re in a room full of people, and you’re feeling as if your voice isn’t valid, what would the boss do? How would the boss tackle it? How would you tackle it if you were coming into it as the owner of your own company? You might be the owner of your own company. In that case, you are the boss. Definitely think like the boss, but shift that mindset to be more confident, even if you don’t believe it at first. In a way, I don’t believe in the fake it till you make it theory, but that can work on this sort of getting over the imposter syndrome. So step up and practice in front of a mirror if you don’t feel confident at speaking, or whatever it is, but think like a boss.
And a bit of a brutal ending to this sort of update really on imposter syndrome, and how you can combat it, is basically to remember that what other people are doing is none of your business. Don’t compare yourself. There is nothing in their life that you can control. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Jeff Bezos, who’s just come back from space, or your next door neighbor, whatever they’re doing is none of your business. It doesn’t matter. What matters is what you can do, and what you are doing. So put out comparison. Comparisonitis is an awful thing to have. So put that away, take a breath, and do it anyway. So I hope that’s helped.
And if you do feel that imposter syndrome is a real sort of hindrance to what you want to do, then get in touch, come and see us in the group, or drop me a DM, and let’s talk. Book recommendation. I want you to read Mythos by Stephen Fry. I absolutely love this book, and the reason I’ve chosen it is because one of the things about imposter syndrome is feeling not worthy, not qualified enough, and I’ve always wanted to be a person of letters, somebody who knows books. I’ve always admired people, and especially Stephen Fry, whose brain is just so vast, I just don’t understand how it fits in his skull, but I love how he knows things. And my strong belief is that you things by reading books, and [inaudible 00:10:59] that all the successful people in the world read at least 10 pages of a non-fiction book every single day. Which isn’t much is it? 10 pages. We can all do that.
But Mythos is about the Greek myths, and how they’ve impacted our life, and how even today, the certain words and certain sort of things like Pandora’s box, things like that, that are just in the everyday language that come from the Greek myths. And it’s just a fascinating read. And I would really recommend listening to the audio book, because hearing Stephen Fry speak and tell you about his enthusiasm is amazing. So that’s my book recommendation. You’ll find the link in the show notes. And a call to action, I’d love for you to find your own community, and find where you fit within that community, find a role model online, your peer group.
You’re more than welcome to come and join the Midlife Isn’t A Crisis Facebook group. I’d love you to do that. Each day, we have different threads that you can talk about self promotion, tips, and tricks. There’s all sorts of stuff in there, and I’d love you to come into the group, and tell us what it is that triggers your imposter syndrome, and see if we can help you. And then finally, don’t forget next week, it’s the 50th episode. Can you believe it? 50. 50th birthday. So there might be some specials in that. All right. So thanks for joining me. Have a great day, and you’re not an imposter. Bye.