Being happy with your own company isn’t something to be scared of
I’ve always been surprised by the reaction of others when I say living alone isn’t a problem.
Don’t be scared of being alone, if you are being forced to live without others, or you choose to, you can make your own space a haven of creativity and happiness.
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(00:00):
I want to cover living alone and enjoying the moment. I think it’s especially relevant with COVID and with lockdowns globally, but also just living alone is something that mid-lifers often have to get used to and may not have been there before.
My usual quick intro as well, it’s been NaNoWriMo it’s the last day to day.
Have you followed my previous episodes? You’ll know that I’ve been writing a novel this month and I don’t think I’m going to complete 50,000 words, which is a disappointment, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it.
I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved. I’ve got to about mid 40 thousands, I think. And it was a new plan that from the first to November, it just hit me on that day.
(00:58):
I didn’t do any pre-planning. So I’ve literally gone from a blank page of paper to having five fantastic characters that I’ve fallen in love with, and a plot, and a half written novel. So I’m really pleased with that.
I’ve also been clearing out now, trying to get rid of some of the clutter that you end up hiding in cupboards and things like that.
It’s just nice to at this time of year to make space, I think for the new season coming in. It’s been raining a lot, I’ve been wanting to get in the garden and haven’t, so my outdoor time hasn’t been as much as I’d like. So I might be a bit hypocritical in this little post when I’m telling you to go out and get some fresh air.
So that’s my intro. We’ll get on now, to living alone.
(01:51):
I’m very independent by nature. And for a lot of my life I’ve lived alone. I was a single parent. So I lived with my daughter. My husband partner has worked away.
I’ve been alone again at a distance, and I’m always amazed at how many people pity me or feel sorry for me, or they’ll say I could never do that.
I think that’s quite sad in a way, because I believe that the power of living on your own and being happy by being alone is, and being happy within a relationship as well is, being content with yourself.
I also think being alone is something many more people have had to contend with, with the lockdown. And that’s why I want to do this episode now in the hope that it will reach a few of you and just make you think a little bit more about solitude and the value of solitude.
I think it’s something that many people are now used to, but some still struggle.
And it’s not something to be frightened of. I’d like to read you a quote. I don’t know who the author is, it’s Sanhita Baruah. I don’t know if that’s an author or who that is, but I think that quote is quite relevant to what I want to speak.
(03:18):
“Even when it seems that there is no one else always remember there’s one person who never ceased to love you yourself.”
Sanhita Baruah
I really liked that. I was trying to find another quote, I’ve heard it before many, many times about ‘the loneliest place is a crowded room’. I couldn’t find who wrote that. I’ve just found an anonymous quote.
I think that’s very relevant as well, because just because you’re in a relationship or in a busy place at office or a busy environment, a cafe or whatever (and I know it’s all very different at the moment) it doesn’t mean that you’re not alone or lonely.
So a few things I would like you to think about some fantastic reasons to be on your own. There are downsides. It can feel lonely.
(04:18):
If it’s your first time, maybe after a marriage breakdown or an empty nest, it can be difficult and you might feel a lack of community and I’ll come on to that at the end.
The wonderful reasons for being alone [I love being alone, I’m really happy in my own space] is that I can be authentic.
I can be myself. I don’t have any negativity around me or anything.
If you’re in a bad relationship, that’s awful. If you’re feeling trapped, it’s a horrible situation to be in. T
he other thing as well is that I have more time, I can eat when I want, work when I want. I’m very lucky. I know that, but I just find them really good reasons.
I want you to be aware that being alone is not something to be scared of.
(05:11):
There are so many benefits to it.
If you are in a relationship where it’s coming to an end and you’re facing time on your own, or you’re stuck at home, you’re working at home. You’re not able to see your family because of lockdown now, try and find some positivity around it.
I’m going to give you a few ideas.
First of all, self care is the first and most important thing.
It’s very easy. At the beginning of lockdown, it was sort of a standard joke in the UK especially about lack of care. About whether people were going to even bother getting dressed, whether they were just staying in pyjamas and there’s nothing wrong with a PJ day, but some days it is good to get and have a shower, get ready, have a routine.
Self care is something that, you know, you might not have been able to get out and do all your manicures and all the rest of it.
(06:03):
But self-care is something very important.
If you’re on your own, you need to find your own motivation to feel amazing.
It might be that you can sort of set yourself a routine, maybe go on Instagram every day and post something.
That will make you get up and get dressed and do something positive!
Look after yourself, make sure that you have all your medicals, because you haven’t got anybody else to nag you. If you’re the type that needs to be nagged into doing things like that. Make sure that you’ve got your health taken care of.
It’s very easy to get into the ready meals or, and I’m one that is shocking at eating healthily when I’m on my own, but I’ve got really good at it lately because I found the way of doing it is to get a local fruit and veg supplier to deliver for me.
(06:56):
So I’ve always got fresh fruit and veggies. I don’t have to go out to get them, but also I eat it because I don’t want it going off in the fridge. So it’ll make me healthy and do whatever it takes for you to find your place for eating well and eating healthy.
It might be if you don’t like cooking every day, batch cook one day and put loads in the freezer or whatever, but find your way of eating well and eating healthy.
And that is another advantage of being on your own. You don’t have to please anybody else’s dietary requirements, you can stick to your own. Create a way to make sure that you have a meal routine as well. Don’t sit and watch telly every night, try and sit at the table or eat at different times. Maybe you don’t have to have two meals a day, just one meal.
(07:50):
You might want to eat a late breakfast. You might get up at five in the morning, but find your way of eating well and being healthy.
Physical exercise is something difficult at the moment, but you might be listening to this in the two years time so I’m going to cover it anyway. It is important to get, as I said, fresh air, whether it’s raining or not, maybe a yoga routine or a stretching routine, or even running.
What I would say is if you live remotely and you live on your own, make sure you look after your personal safety.
It might be that you need to let somebody know where you go running and when you’re running on your own, just so that they know if anything happens. If you fall and hurt yourself or anything, that somebody is aware of where you are. Set your GPS properly on your device or your phone so that somebody knows, it might be better to go out with a running club instead of on your own.
(08:46):
So look after your personal wellbeing in that way as well.
Community is a big deal because it depends what sort person you are. If you’re an introvert, which I am. I never realised until very recently that that’s what I am, because I can talk to anybody in a crowded room, but it drains my energy completely.
I get my energy back by being on my own, but community especially if you’re going through a relationship breakdown can be difficult. Make sure that you have some sort of community around you, go out and seek it. Whether it be locally or maybe online, it’s a fantastic place to be.
Social media gets a lot of bad press, but Facebook, my community that ties in with the podcast Midlife Isn’t A Crisis. It’s there. We’re kind. There are no trolls allowed. It’s a safe place to be, but there’s lots of other communities.
(09:42):
It might be that if you’ve got a hobby or you’re doing crafting, there might be a group on Facebook that does that same craft. I’m sure there’ll be lots because Facebook is obviously massive across the globe.
If you’re not a person who uses a computer, try and find a local community, just somewhere that you can find the company that you need.
It can be difficult, but if you reach out, don’t be proud.
Don’t be reclusive. Don’t be stubborn if you need company, go out and find it because sadly many people are way too busy to notice that you might be needing some company or you might be needing some help. So make sure that you reach out. If you do need that and you can create some amazing networks across the globe. I have, I’ve got some fantastic friendships now of people that I’ve never met, but I know that they’re on the same level as me.
(10:36):
They’ve got the same likes as me, the next three sort of topics that I was going to cover. I’m not gonna go into depth with, because I’ve already done them. In previous episodes. Episode #013 was about hobbies.
Episode #009 was about getting downtime in between work, which is very, very important. If you’re on your own to make sure that you don’t fall into the habit of just constantly working, make sure that you switch off and you have time.
And routine and sleep patterns are covered in episode #014.
Sleep is something again, when you’re on your own, you might think, ‘Oh, I’ll watch this film’ and then you fall asleep and then you can’t sleep later on because you’ve already had a nap. And then you wake up at two in the morning and you can’t really get back to sleep and you don’t know what to do.
(11:27):
And it can be sometimes that you haven’t got a routine.
So try and create your own daytime and nighttime routine, set it in your phone. You can get alarms and sleep apps now that really help you with that. Try and get into a routine that you use your sleep well. Don’t lay in bed and lay on the sofa for hours.
Try some new things, try something out that you’ve not tried before.
You know, if it is a new stage in your life, this is the perfect opportunity. I know it’s a bit of a cliche that, you know, when relationships break up, people get on a health kick, they lose weight. You know, you often see it in celebrity magazines, don’t you where somebody’s marriage has just broken down and then they’ve gone out and lost two stone and have the hair cut and got, you know, a new hair colour and all new style, whatever.
(12:25):
And you don’t obviously have to do that cliche, but making sure that you do try new things.
If you have always wanted to do your hair differently or lose weight, there’s nothing wrong with that. Go out and do it. Nobody’s stopping you.
And the other thing as well, which isn’t often touched on when I’ve sort of done research into this episode is about you giving of yourself and giving value to others. That’s another way of building community.
Whatever value you have, if you have gone through a relationship breakdown, it might be that you’re feeling a bit worthless and you know, unwanted. And that’s certainly not the case. Everybody has value and everybody can share that value with others. So look at reaching out and helping other people, because that’s a really good way of stopping yourself feeling lonely by helping others.
I hope that’s been helpful if you are alone and you’re feeling that you’re starting to enjoy it.
(13:23):
What I would suggest is (my partner suggested that I put this in) to the TV program ‘Alone’. I don’t know what channel. I think there’s about eight series now, and it’s set in North America. There’s various different sort of themes to it through the series, but it’s where people are literally alone.
They’re dropped in the middle of nowhere with a bag of cameras and they have to build their shelter. They have to catch their own food, etc.
The reason I love watching it is the psychology of being alone. They have to survive on their own, literally with nothing and it’s fascinating that you can tell straight away the ones who are going to succeed. They’re the ones who have got the right mindset.
It’s not the ones with physical capabilities, the big muscley ones, the hyper fit runners, things like that.
(14:20):
It’s not them that survive, the ones that stay alone and happy the longest are those with the right mindset.
I know Bear Grylls has talked about that on his shows before and Ray Mears who are survivalists, they definitely believe that it is in the mind.
It’s a mindset. I’m not expecting you to go and live in the forest and build your own house, but you might want to do that, but it’s always mindset.
If you’re struggling reach out which what I say every week, but more so if you’re feeling lonely.
I’ve got a book recommendation for you as usual. I think it’s also been made into a film, but I didn’t enjoy the film. And as you know, I always say, read the book first anyway.
It’s called Wild by Cheryl Strayed, and it was where she needed to come to terms with her life.
(15:16):
I won’t give any spoilers, but it is about being alone and going out and doing things alone, so I would suggest that you read that.
Jump into the Facebook community, if that’s what you need and want. I would love to see you there and hear all about your life, and just get used to being you.
If you are alone, even if you live with other people, spending time on your own is an amazing thing to do. It really does get you in touch with your authentic self. It sounds a bit woo woo, but just try and spend some time alone and see how you get on and how you feel.
Thank you for spending some time with me.
Don’t forget that if you support me over on Patreon and support the podcast and my writing, I’m going to be doing a monthly exclusive podcast episode just for my patrons. So see you over there too.
Thanks for joining me. Bye.